Balance

 “Finally in a space where I’m learning to be present in my relationships while still choosing myself. I used to think it was either/or. Solitude or socialization...constantly living on extreme ends of the spectrum.“

 

This tweet explains that I’ve found power in honoring my routine, establishing life for myself and not giving that up for the sake of connecting with others. The irony is that the relationships that are meant to exist in my life will hold space for ALL of me. My tribe won’t feel neglected/disrespected by my “no” or “not right now”...

This evolution happened after I spent many relationships/friendships pouring all of myself out to then push the connections away so I could be restored. I found myself repeating the same cycle over and over until I realized it is possible for me to be completely present in a connection without sacrificing myself.

All of the relationships I’ve witnessed involved the woman giving all of herself until she had nothing else to give...not even an emergency lifeline to snap her back into reality, which is why it would take so long for her to heal and come back to herself if the relationship ended. I have witnessed women deny their true desires, let go of hobbies/interests, dim their lights to make room for external connections. I was reflecting what I’d indirectly been taught. When single, I would go to yoga consistently, read, study, cook, and do so many great things for myself. However, as soon as I would choose to date someone exclusively or I make new friends I would cut out those activities to make myself readily available for the people in my life. I would exhaust the connection until I was tired, then pull back for the sake of restoring myself. This process drained me and gave the connection way too much power and control. 

MOST IMPORTANTLY, I have learned that my power comes from within. The more I choose myself, the more I attract healthy/leveled connections. Those connections have balanced expectations and are more likely to be productive. We don’t expect to be tied to the hip...just healthy individuals experiencing life together. The more I enjoy my life, the less I expect others to make life for me...which frees up space for me to enjoy the person/people in front of me as they are. I’m also able to live in the moment without connecting out of hope of what it CAN be or SHOULD be...no judgment...no fear.

Chasity MatthewsComment