Raise the B.A.R.
On this journey of getting to know my Self, I have recognized a few of my shortcomings-mainly in romantic relationships. I will often stop taking care of myself and pour myself into the connection, equating my extreme availability with my worth of being loved by my mate. Yet, after each breakup, I find myself further behind the spot in which I started. I leave a little more torn, a little more hurt, a little more lonely, and a little more resentful of that mate for daring not to pour back into me all that I’d poured into him-not realizing that I shouldn’t have given away everything that I needed. I also allow myself to get so excited about the new found connection that I don't research as thoroughly as I should... So, in my Self-exploration, I’ve created a test to help keep me in check when it comes to my dating life. These are three very important qualities that I must vow to never give up. I am posting this as a self-accountability tactic...not as a someone who has it all figured out.
Boundaries are guidelines that people must follow in order to be allowed into your peaceful space. They are a direct reflection of your level of self love and respect. For example, someone must confirm plans with you no less than 3 days in advance. This shows that you value your time, so others must do the same. Boundaries also ensure that you have safety nets in place for when you are getting to know people. Safety nets include driving yourself to the first few dates, not having sex for the first few months, keeping dates brief and in public places, etc. So, I challenge you to write down your boundaries to see where you are and how you may improve.
In our relationships, how often do we stop and check in with ourselves? It's so easy to one day wake up in a relationship and ask "How in the hell did I get here?" We often get caught in the whirlwind of the relationship that we neglect the present moment. Pay attention to what the present moment is calling for you to do, so that you never fall behind on your needs and opportunities to grow. The ego loves when we dwell on the past and fantasize about the future. Remaining aware ensures your mental and emotional health, while making sure you never draw your relationship into the melodrama of your ego. So, stay present and constantly check-in with yourself.
So, how many of us are guilty for staying up a LITTLE later for our boo, even though our bed time is 11 pm? Or what about your weekend jog that you find yourself skipping because snuggling under him/her sounds more fun? Skipping out on weekly wine night with your best friend because FaceTime dates with bae are much more fun?
Well, let’s discuss. Your routine and boundaries work closely together. The stronger your boundaries are, the more confident you feel with sticking to your routine. Maintaining your routine is an essential part of maintaining your individuality within your relationship. That’s not to say that sacrifices won’t need to be made or flexibility isn’t necessary, however compromise is when BOTH parties win. You should not have to sacrifice self care/maintenance in order for your partner to feel cared for and tended to. Maintain your routine in order to create a healthy/balanced partnership, which makes room for two solid individuals to come together.
I recommend the books: