Brooklyn & Chasity Collab - Intimacy

Let's Connect

Hello, all. I am so excited for this post because the topic of intimacy has been so prevalent in my life. So, when my friend Brooklyn reached out to me to do a post on ways to enhance intimacy without sex, I became elated!  It is a step that is often missed or considered underrated, but intimacy is what keeps the relationship alive. It is all about communication and strengthening the bond between lovers. Intimacy keeps the communication flowing and opens our channels to give and receive love, understanding, and compassion. It is also a great path to having a healthy, interactive, balanced sex life with your partner because a level of trust has been developed. Below, Brooklyn and I expound on a few ways to enhance the intimacy in your connections. So, enjoy!

Chasity's 5


1. Meditate.
You would be surprised how many couples cannot comfortably sit in silence with one another. Something has to constantly be happening in order to affirm that things are okay. Meditation brings presence, self-awareness, balance, healing, and gratitude. These are all necessary for a relationship to thrive. What better way to maintain them than to meditate with your partner? Meditation requires you to be still and quiet so that you may go inward and explore yourself. Meditating with someone else in your space requires trust and connection. To connect to your partner's energy, I have found that breathing with my partner works. Lay your hand on each others chest and sync your breathing, so that you know what he/she feels like. It’s important to meditate separately, but you may also find comfort in meditating together and then discussing where you two went and what messages came to you during that silence. It assures that yall are taking care of yourselves as individuals while being aware of what your relationship needs at that moment.

2. Rest.
We can all agree that nap dates are pretty amazing, right? But let's really analyze this. It boosts intimacy and trust to be able to fall into a deep sleep in your partners arms. You are the most vulnerable when you are sleeping. So, rest together. Set aside a day where you and your partner just rest and hold each other. Our age bracket (20s-30s) requires a lot of hustle and bustle, especially us creatives. So, make sure that you two sit aside time to rest and decompress. It is important to know that rest does not necessarily mean sleep. Rest could be lying in silence. Create your own definition, but be sure to check in and maintain a healthy connection.

3. Dance.
I have always enjoyed dancing, but as an adult it has taken on new meaning for me. Dancing is more than moving to the beat; it is connecting with your body to see what feels good vs. what doesn't. Dancing with your partner is syncing with each other and following each others rhythm (a lot like sex, right?) Loosen up! Turn on some music and move with your partner.

4. Share.
"Sharing is caring". Share your resources. Share your tribes. Share your passions with one another. Include your partner in your life. Often times people compartmentalize their lives and put their relationship in this separate box from everything else they have going on. Though it is beautiful for your relationship to be your safe haven, it is important that you include each other in your crafts and talents. Not only are you affirming your partner's importance to you, but you are making room for your partner to possibly reveal how he/she can be of help to you. I’ve dated artists/creatives. Through sharing and supporting each other, we have discovered hidden talents and ways to create other sources of income as a team. This creates balance in our relationship because now we have so much more to discuss besides how much we like each other. It creates productivity. We also value our couple time a lot more because we know that we have handled business, so date night has been earned. Share with your mate. Make room.

5. Travel.
I’ve had a first date that was a road trip. Yep! It sounds crazy, but it was the absolute best. Being in a car with a person for hours opens the door for a lot of conversation. We learned so much about each other during that trip. We explored the city, which helped us learn each others interests. Traveling with your partner spices things up and forces you to lean on each other, especially if you don't have friends or family in the area. It also forces creativity. You don't have the same old restaurants or venues to work with. Branch out! Try new things! Connect with each other and create memories. They will come in handy when rough patches occur. (Please, be safe! I dropped my location to several friends)


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Brooklyn's 5
Greetings! I hope all is well with you all. My name is Brooklyn White and I'm a New York-based writer with words featured on Saint Heron, Milk, and Teen Vogue. This segment is going to be about some of my experiences with the expression of intimacy.
So when I initially contacted Chas to write for her website (that I'm very proud of - hand clap for A Natural Beaut!!), we discussed writing a post about exploring intimacy outside of sex. I was elated to share this kind of information and let people know that sex is not the only way to connect with a partner. As time went on though, my life went in a different direction. But although my root chakra is no longer on "do not disturb", I can still share my attempts and stories about ways to show love beyond the big "S".

1. Create together!
I always enjoy bonds that allow my partner and I to make something beautiful and bigger than our physical bodies. Whether it be a painting, a meal, or a piece of music, the gift of creation is special and even more so when it's shared with someone you deeply care for. I also think the act of sex is creation in itself, so when you work with your significant other, the energy is similar and satisfying.

2. Be vulnerable in conversation.
I think some of the appeal of sex lies in its ability to honestly connect two people. It is a highly vulnerable time and is viewed by some as the peak of intimacy. But, I think the same feat can be achieved through open and true communication. Sharing true emotions, talking about things you might not share with the everyday person, and above all, being receptive can take a union to new heights. Also, the more vulnerable in conversation you allow each other to be, the more likely it is that you all will be able to have an honest dialogue about what's going on in the bedroom. Often times, those who are not enjoying sex with their partner suffer in silence out of fear of hurting the other person's feelings. If that space is created early and maintained throughout the relationship, it is less likely that you will blind side each other. So, keep each other in the loop by communicating.  Words are powerful, y'all!

3. Touch!
There is a way to be hands on without getting all the way turnt up. I'm big on touch because it's easy to catch subtle messages and pick up on certain thoughts and emotions when you're making physical contact. From pressure to pleasure points, to areas that need massages, to just a good rub down, touching is definitely a good way to explore intimacy, as it heals from the inside out.

4. Do something you're both passionate about.
What activity do you both love? Tap into that  deep passion by getting lost in whatever makes you both bubble over with happiness. Whether it's checking out a new exhibit at a museum you adore, working out, reading Lemony Snicket books aloud (man I don't know ha!), DO IT! Have fun becoming one with your significant other through love-filled exercises.

5. Get to the root of your relationship.
My final tidbit can be done in a multitude of ways. Through writing each other notes, having chats, or whatever medium you think is most appropriate. Find out and state why you're with this person in the first place. What speaks to and attracts you? Why do you want to have sex with them? Breaking a union all the way down and making sure the foundation is solid is one of the most intimate things you can do.
Alright folks, that's all from me. If you have any direct questions or comments, holla: Be well!

At the end of the day, intimacy is all about creating and maintaining a high level of vulnerability, communication, friendship and overall connectivity. It is a topic that I really want to analyze, so I plan to do a follow-up post about intimacy as it relates to sexual satisfaction in a relationship. Stay tuned and thanks for reading! Please share any comments or thoughts on intimacy as it relates to you and your relationships.

Chasity Matthews